exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
