just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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