he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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