I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
