well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
