There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nutella sex= disaster
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
