I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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