He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
