you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
