my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
