i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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