Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
