You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
