I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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