good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize