so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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