I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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