i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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