You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just had sex on a roof
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
