ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
