on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
