This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize