Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
