I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
