wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
