last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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