looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
