some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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