Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
