I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
