Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
