Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
FUCK WHALES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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