Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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