well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
