He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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