he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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