You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
