You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize