considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
