it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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