stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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