Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
