Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
