I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
