upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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