hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
