dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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