Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
