Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
