Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
