im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
