A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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