No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
