During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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