i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize