do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
