bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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