I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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