I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
