i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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