Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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