dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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