john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
