You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
