im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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