Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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