wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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