I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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