apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
