just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
