my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
