She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
