wakey wakey hands off snakey
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
