still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
