did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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