I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
